Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the fight club. Good to see you.
This article, part two of three, will break down the NFC seeding for the NFL Head Coach Fight Club with a short description of each of the competitors. To recap from last time, the Club will feature untimed, one-on-one bouts that end either when one participant taps out or is KO’ed.
Again, there are no moral victories in this tournament, and no doubt about the winner in each round.
Like on the AFC side of the house, only the top eight coaches from the NFC will be competing in the Club due to numbers constraints — which is a good thing, too, because the NFC field isn’t nearly as deep as the AFC lineup.
Set up in a classic March Madness-style bracket, part three will break down the tourney’s actual outcome and crown a winner for the whole shebang, the last man standing. Check back later this week for that piece.
For now, read on to see where these ragtag NFC competitors fall in the bracket…
NFC-SIDE COACHES AND SEEDINGS:
— #1 seed: Dan Campbell, Detroit Lions, age 44 (height: A, build: A, intangibles: A); The powerhouse. The electric factory. The kneecap gnawer. Pick a badass nickname, slap it on Dan Campbell, and it’ll work. If you haven’t seen his introductory press conference with the Detroit Lions yet, go check it out; you’ll see why he’s the number one seed in the NFC, physical stature aside. A former Dolphins coach, Miami fans will likely be able to root for Campbell for as long as he’s wreaking havoc on the NFC side of the bracket. Coming in at 6’5” and about 250 pounds with NFL playing experience, this one-seed will be a force to be reckoned with.
— #2 seed: Arthur Smith, Atlanta Falcons, age 38 (height: A, build: C, intangibles: ?); To be honest, I’m as uninspired by this two-seed as you are, but look at the rest of the NFC roster — there’s something of a dearth of talent. Smith, however, makes a pretty solid fighter for a few reasons. First off, he’s massive — I saw somewhere that he’s 6’4”, and on top of that, he played some college ball on the offensive line. The intangibles are a mystery because before he was hired as the Falcons HC, I’d never heard of him, but his size and football background are good enough to be a two-seed.
— #3 seed: Joe Judge, NY Giants, age 39 (height: B, build: B, intangibles: B); I talked with a Giants fan about this guy, and apparently, he’s one of the crazies you see at training camp screaming at dudes even as the head coach. This past offseason, he lit into star running back Saquon Barkley for not doing drills fast enough, or something, in his first season as the head coach. Given how thin this NFC field is, the off-the-rails intensity is enough for the three-seed. Otherwise, Judge has serviceable height and reach with a decent build — plus, his calves seem disproportionately big compared to the rest of his body, so that he may have a secret weapon there.
— #4 seed: Mike McCarthy, Dallas Cowboys, age 57 (height: B, build: D, intangibles: C); I know, I know — he’s big and not very intimidating, but would you rather have a roughly six-foot Mike McCarthy as your four-seed or the 5’10”, much skinnier Sean McVay? Plus, how fantastic would it be to see an Andy Reid-Mike McCarthy matchup in the championship? (spoiler alert: that probably isn’t happening). Anyway, the Cowboys head coach slots in here because of his impressive weight and decent height, but you have to worry about the conditioning. Maybe he can find some analytics on boxing to help him or something.
— #5 seed: Sean McVay, LA Rams, age 35 (height: C, build: A, intangibles: B); except for Pete Carroll, this is where we get into the young guns of the NFC side. McVay is short, and his aggressive, hedgehog-style haircut will probably make him a target in the ring, but he’s well-built and is a pretty fiery guy on the sidelines. Being small, young, and testy, his best chance at lasting will come from an ability to avoid big hits and get in his licks where he can.
— #6 seed: Matt LaFleur, Green Bay Packers, age 41 (height: C, build: B, intangibles: B); To be honest, I don’t have a whole lot to say about LaFleur. He’s a handsome, thin, white dude who probably has never been in a fight in his life. But he makes the cut as the six-seed here because, again, there weren’t a ton of other options in the NFC. He’s also got that underdog gene in his bloodline to his credit, thanks to his relation with Peter LaFleur from the movie Dodgeball. LaFleur has his age going for him and seems like a decently cut dude, so maybe he can outlast whoever he matches up against in round one.
— #7 seed: Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks, age 69 (height: C, build: B, intangibles: A); Is this a controversial pick because of his age? You bet it is. But come on, wouldn’t you love to see Pete Carroll ferociously munching on some chewing gum while bouncing around the ring, smacking his gloves together, and throwing lightning-fast jabs? If Carroll takes one hit, it might do irrecoverable damage, but he strikes me as the old, jittery dude who can stick and move with the best of them (except Dan Campbell, obviously). This is a guy to watch.
— #8 seed: Kliff Kingsbury, Arizona Cardinals, age 41 (height: A, build: B, intangibles: C); Urban Meyer was supposed to fight as the eight-seed, but he canceled at the last minute because of alleged health reasons. Between you and me, I don’t think he would’ve been excellent anyway. So in comes pretty boy Kliff Kingsbury, the guy who failed forwards at Texas Tech and somehow landed the Cardinals coaching job because he… *checks notes*… knows Sean McVay (true story). Kingsbury is tall and has hung out with Floyd Mayweather before, but he doesn’t strike me as a very gritty guy and has a pretty average build. He’s your eight-seed for the NFC side.
With all the seedings set, check back in a few days to see who will come out on top in the NFL Head Coaches Fight Club (for you bettors out there, Dan Campbell is currently the favorite, odds set at -120)! And if you missed part one and want to see the AFC seedings, check that out here.
