If you’re new to this series, hello! My name is Callen, and thanks to the honorable Stephen Michael Ross, I’m now the unofficial Czar of the Miami Dolphins. I have the (very imaginary) keys to the kingdom, and it’s my job to plug the holes in this sinking ship and get the mighty Dolphins of Miami to the promised land! Eh, ok…maybe let’s start with being a regular playoff contender first. Sounds good, right? Right.
To recap the first part of this three-part series, I had to play the part of a firefighter (figuratively speaking). The Tyreek Hill flame was lit at the end of the season and only continued to grow in strength. So, I made a choice to put the fire out once and for all. I used my orange and aqua colored fire extinguisher and, in conjunction with the Cheetah, found a new home for our favorite figurative arsonist (Yes, I know he publicly apologized this week, but I don’t care. Too little, too late). I played phone tag with roughly half of the general managers in the NFL, a couple of agents, and one owner in Atlanta who helped seal the deal.
Arthur Blank stepped in, and the trade was made official. The Atlanta Falcons dealt the 15th pick in this year’s draft as well as a mid-round pick in 2026 for the rights to watch Tyreek Hill run circles around the NFC South next season and beyond. It’s a win-win for everyone involved. As long as the Falcons have enough “dawgs” on their roster, they’re fine. If not, well, I hope Fontenot and co are ready to pull, aim, squeeze, and spray. Remember, “time is of the essence during a fire.”
But I digress…now that we’ve put the *figurative* fire out before it can completely engulf everyone and everything in and associated with the Dolphins and 347 Don Shula Dr, it’s time to refill the extinguisher and go check on our quarterback. Tua. Tua. Tua. Has there been a more divisive player in recent Dolphins memory than Tua Tagavailoa? Especially a player who, by all accounts, is a genuinely kind human being a competitor?
None that I can think of (but feel free to kindly drop a name in the comments below if you disagree). Now, we all know the good and the bad. I won’t go all granular and get into minor details because we all know what we’ve seen over the last two years, so there isn’t a need to go all stat-nerd here (mostly because there are others who are lightyears better than I am when it comes to numbers), but I will hit a few points, both good and not so good:
Good – In his five years in the NFL, Tua has a career record of 38-24 in games he’s started, which gives him a winning percentage roughly around 63 percent. Extrapolate that by an 18-game season and that makes Tua a 10-win per year quarterback. Those are pretty solid numbers for an NFL starting quarterback.
Not So Good – It’s been five years, and he’s only started in 62 games. That averages out to 12.4 games started per season. Let’s round up and call it 13 instead of 12.4, being nice. That means he’s still basically a lock to miss a total of a month’s worth of games each season. That’s not exactly what I want from the nine-figure face of my franchise.
Good – The eye test alone tells us he’s got elite accuracy and can make a quick read. It’s almost like watching Prime-Aikman. He’s the king of the two-step drop.
Not So Good – The eye test tells me…he’s the king of the two-step drop. If his first read isn’t open, he has a tendency to force terrible throws, which have led to some of the more cringeworthy turnovers in recent memory.
Good – Tua is a true competitor. He’s tough as nails. The guy puts his body on the line for his team. He’s a living example of “leaving it all on the field.”
Not So Good – He’s made questionable decisions on field that have led to serious, potentially life-altering injury. Injuries that make you squirm when you see them on a replay and make you question aloud whether or not he’ll ever play again or even should.
So, what to do? What to do with a genuinely nice human being who plays quarterback as well as any other competitive NFL starting quarterback when he’s playing but also can’t stay healthy and has a tendency to make poor decisions when he has to adapt on the fly? What to do with a quarterback with deadly accuracy, who once led the league in passing, but has a zero-win record in games that are played in weather under 40 degrees and is also under .500 in games played in (checks notes again) weather under 70 degrees?! Is this another fire in the making? Do we need to get that aqua and orange extinguisher out and spray away?!
Short answer: Hell no. I know we’re all frustrated, but Tua Tagovailoa needs a legitimate offensive line before he gets my Cheetah treatment.
Suspend your disbelief: Hypothetically…the Lions call right now and offer Jared Goff straight up for Tua. Salaries work, and there won’t be an issue with the cap. Are you making that trade if you’re sitting in the Dolphins war room? Or would you pull out the extinguisher and use the P.A.S.S. method? Do you think Tua is no good in the cold? Wait until you see Jared Goff without an offensive line having to go play in Buffalo and the Meadowlands in December. Conversely, Tua…in a dome…with those weapons…and THAT offensive line?! Oh, the potential!
Yes, I realize we don’t quite have the likes of All-Pro bulldozers on the offensive line like Frank Ragnow and Penei Sewell to give our guy Tua extra time to break passing records, or to give Devon Achane a free five yards added onto each rush…but with the right draft class and a couple more shrewd moves coming up, well, we’ll get there soon. Until part three!
Weaver Coming Back To Run The Defense; Now Get Him More Talent
